THE BELOVED Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! THE SHULAMITE Behold, you are handsome, my Beloved! Yes, pleasant! - [Song of Solomon 1:15-16]
Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel (lit. God-With-Us) - Isaiah 7:14
& nbsp; Nevertheless the gloom will not be upon her who is distressed, & nbsp; As when at first He lightly esteemed & nbsp; The land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, & nbsp; And afterward more heavily oppressed her, & nbsp; By the way of the sea, beyond the Jordan, & nbsp; In Galilee of the Gentiles. & nbsp; The people who walked in darkness & nbsp; Have seen a great light; & nbsp; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, & nbsp; Upon them a light has shined. & nbsp; You have multiplied the nation & nbsp; And increased its joy; & nbsp; They rejoice before You & nbsp; According to the joy of harvest, & nbsp; As men rejoice when they divide the spoil. & nbsp; For You have broken the yoke of his burden & nbsp; And the staff of his shoulder, & nbsp; The rod of his oppressor, & nbsp; As in the day of Midian. & nbsp; For every warrior's sandal from the noisy battle, & nbsp; And garments rolled in blood, & nbsp; Will be used for burning and fuel of fire. & nbsp; For unto us a Child is born, & nbsp; Unto us a Son is given; & nbsp; And the government will be upon His shoulder. & nbsp; And His name will be called & nbsp; Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, & nbsp; Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. & nbsp; Of the increase of His government and peace & nbsp; There will be no end, & nbsp; Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, & nbsp; To order it and establish it with judgment and justice & nbsp; From that time forward, even forever. & nbsp; The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this. - Isaiah 9:1-7
Merry Christmas!
The Night Before Christmas – A Meditation On Christmas Eve
Therefore, when He came into the world, He said: "Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, But a body You have prepared for Me. In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin You had no pleasure. Then I said, "Behold, I have come-- In the volume of the book it is written of Me-- To do Your will, O God." ( Heb 10:5-7 )
How wonderful the heavens must have felt at the hearing of thatconversation between the Father and the Son. God, the Eternal Father,overflowing with mercy for us, had consented His Son, the EternalWord to be incarnated in the lowly form of a man, with a body beingprepared in the Virgin's womb. That by His coming, the Son might takeupon Himself the wrath of the Righteous Judge, whose anger is as theheaping of coals upon the wicked, whose fire is being rekindled everymoment, being prepared for the sons of wrath. The smoke of theofferings is no longer a pleasant incense to God. It has become apoisonous fume, irritable and despicable. The worthless creation thatdid not fulfill his role intended by his Creator deserves no other but annihilation. "Although they knew God, they did not glorify Himas God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, andtheir foolish hearts were darkened".
He whose counsel is His own will ( for if He were to choose by us,who then can be saved? ), chose to bear with us and show us mercy. Hewhose words stand forever ( for if He were to be like us, idle inwords and actions, who then can have hope? ) has promised usacceptance rather than destruction.
How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I set you like Zeboiim? My heart churns within Me; My sympathy is stirred. I will not execute the fierceness of My anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim. For I am God, and not man, The Holy One in your midst; And I will not come with terror. ( Hosea 11:8-9 )
And thus the Son said," A body You have prepared for Me" and " I havecome to do Your will". This coming of the Son, as the divinediscourse showed, is the deliberate works of the Father ( You haveprepared for Me ) and the Son ( I have come ) to fulfill thatpromise, the promise of not to harm us but that we might prosper. Forthe writer of Hebrews who cited the dialogue went on to say "He takesaway the first that He may establish the second. By that will we havebeen sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ oncefor all." The Third Person of the Godhead became the witnessing sealto this divine work, being the Co-Participant, He had prepared theway in the hearts of man, revealing to the saints about Christ "inthe volume of the book it is written of [Him]". May God forever bepraised as we observe this night before Christmas.
The nites before Christmas The heav'nly hosts did await Expecting with joy unknown to us The Creator coming as the Babe
The nites before Christmas The Eternal Father did prepare A joy unknown to us A Body He made with care
The nites before Christmas The Eternal Son did say With joy unknown to us "Thy will I shalt obey"
The nites before Christmas The Holy Spirit did proclaim In joy unknown to us "The Saviour came! The Saviour came!"
But unbeknown to them, (alas!) the Enemy had arrived,
He stood at the Gate, staring at their Walls:
“What High Fortress this is, But I shalt strive,
And struck It down to see It fall!"
So the Enemy and His hosts began to attack,
That mighty Walls of the great City;
So subtly did they whacked and hacked,
That the People in there did not hear the danger,
Or ‘twas their joyous music perhaps,
That drowned the sound of the ongoing Battle.
The great City is the Church. By and upon the Lord Jesus Christ who shed His blood for the Church was She established and founded. Being founded upon Christ, the Church will stand forever against the Gates of Hell. The high Walls around the City represent True Doctrines. The Church will seek refuge within the true teachings of the Bible. These doctrines are elaborated and expounded by the Saints in every generation. The progressive realization of biblical doctrines is as if the building of a wall, block by block the bricks are laid upon one another until a high Wall is erected. Finally, these doctrines, like a fortress, become a defense against false teachers and their evil trades.
The People in the City are individual members of the Church. Because of the great success of the Church since Her founding, Christians in many places are enjoying blessings of a peaceful and happy life. In some countries today, the work ethics of Christians – diligence, frugality, honesty &c. - have secured prosperity for their posterities. A good and comfortable life rendered some Christians indifferent to the War against the Enemy. The War is fought in many different ways. But here, the Battle refers to the attack of the Enemy, who is Satan, and His hosts against the teachings of the Church. While the devils are salvaging the doctrines of the Church, attempting to damage the defense of Christians of their faith, many Christians themselves are still singing and dancing as if ignoring (or perhaps ignorant of) the sound of battle out there. A time must come when our celebration songs are turned into songs of war, songs of supplications to the Lord of the City for His protection. A time must come for Christians to go to the frontline, raising the Glorious Banner, to face the attacks of the Enemy. A time must come for us to engage the Philistine who slanders and mocks the army of the Living God. A time must come for Christians to realize that they cannot depend on the peace built from complacency.The time is so aptly NOW.
It has already been about a week after Sarah and I broke up...
My Love, yester-night I had a nightmare,
I dreamt having to share you with another man;
In the dream you looked ever so fair,
But I nearly die seeing you in his hand.
Sorrow brought me into that dream,
But ‘twas Joy that I met at the end;
When all Hope seemed so dim,
You came and held mine hand.
I know this are all fantasies,
As ephemeral as the morning dew,
Yet when I woke up this morn, I cried
Because you said to me: I love you
To-night I await to sleep,
To suffer whate’er Sorrow may bring;
For who knows; after all is over indeed,
Perhaps you’ll come back to me in the morning.
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How long O' Lord, I will live in such a state? It seemed good to Thee that I wade for yet a while in this pool of bitterness. As I wade, I wait. But have mercy on me, Thy worm of a servant, Thy weakest and most undeserving child. My faith is poor, my strength is pitiful, I cannot do this without Thee. I cannot do anything unless Thou will go before me to prepare the way, unless Thou will go behind me to watch over me, unless Thou will go with me as a Companion and a Guide. Unless O Lord, Thou assure me of Thy company, I will not and cannot move forth. I look forward to Israel’s Consolation as mine own. How long O’ Lord!
Towards the end of the one week after Sarah and I went on separate ways, I finally received news worthy of celebration for the Christmas season. Joshua sent me a news article about the Dr. Antony Flew’s “conversion” from atheism to some sort of deism.1 On one hand, there are some (Christians/Theist) whom are rather wary of Dr. Flew’s admittance of a Super Intelligent First Cause, arguing that he is still far from knowing the Christian God while on the other hand, the atheists community, who have been depending on Dr. Flew’s intellectual muscles in their battle against the “existence of God”, is trying to minimize the effect of his conversion. One fellow, an atheist, commented that Dr. Flew’s “reversal” is no big deal and that his is a “minimal God” of a God. I guess what is really impressive is the fact that an intellectual giant such as Dr. Flew, one whom many people looked up to for support in answering what to me seemed to be The Most Important Question of Mankind – Does God exist? – is willing to humble himself to admit that “Well, looks like I’ve been wrong all this while”. It is not easy for me to recant my stance, but I guess it is even harder for one of Dr. Flew’s stature to make such moves. Many people hid behind the likes of Dr. Flew, resting on human speculations and depending on borrowed faith (Christians, sound familiar to you too perhaps?) to sustain their foolish revolts against God. But indeed he is a fool that has said in his heart, “There is no God” - Psalm 53:1. A wise man perhaps will have a problem with his own conscience in denying God. And the case of Dr. Flew may as well be a good example. Being honest to himself, he had finally to admit that “There indeed is a God/god”. Alas, how many atheists out there are honest with themselves? How many of them are committed to reflecting on That Most Important Q.? Sometimes the Christian may feel nauseated living among such people. They may be challenged with a lot of so-called intellectual arguments. They may be mocked or ridiculed for their belief. But a faith planted in God will find itself safely rooted on the firmest foundation.
Some time ago, I started on a project to build a website which I will call stevenandsarah.com. It was to be a web dedicated to the love of my life, Sarah Lim. The web will be an online testimony of our love and relationship; it will contain all my love poems to her, our reflections of life together, photos from the moments we met till our wedding day till our first child, till our golden anniversary and until we are too old to even hold hands when we will tie our hands together.
I met Sarah more than three years ago during my school days. We started going steady on the 12th of May, 2001. That was on the eve of my birthday. From that moment onwards, I knew that Sarah was to be the other half of me, the one I will be spending this life with. From that moment till this day, it was the happiest time of my life. I have built my whole future around Sarah. I have planned my life envisioning her walking by my side. I have become stevenandsarah. I cannot anymore imagine steven without sarah. We love one another so dearly that the mere thoughts of the other warmed our hearts. We know that life will not be a lonely journey for there is a person to love and cherish, to walk alongside each other. There were so many things that we have planned and anticipated. The mysterious future seemed not so scary after all, for I know, we know, we have one another to confide in. I became brave to face the things in life because I knew that when I come home, Sarah is there waiting for me. In fact, knowing that she is there is a great comfort. I felt able, confident, and bold; I felt whole. God has given me a friend, a sister, a lover, a Woman that completes the Man in me.
stevenandsarah.com was to be presented to Sarah as a gift for her birthday next year. I was nearly done but yesterday something happened that kills off stevenandsarah.com. It will not be stevenandsarah again anymore; we broke off. Sarah walked out of my life, no, our life. All the dreams and hopes and future we envisioned together were broken to pieces, shattered as badly as my heart and hers. I do not understand the whole thing, but I know that we cannot possibly be together again. The tears in my eyes cannot compare to the bleeding inside when I hear my beloved Sarah saying, “I cannot love you like I used to”. If there is anything more painful, it would be one of us departing this life. We used to tell one another that if one of us dies before the other, the one living have to go on this life with a new partner. But this is so different. I cannot love another while knowing that the woman I love is still there. I cannot bear that the woman I love is loving another person. I cannot bear to lose Sarah. I cannot think of a life without Sarah. I cannot imagine steven without sarah. I cannot walk through life with half of me being cut off. I cannot not love Sarah.
There is no one to blame for the ending of this relationship. I love her and I know that she had loved me with all her heart. I do not know what her reasons were, but I do know that if I love her, I will want her to be happy. If I want her to be happy, I must let her go because that will ease her off that burden. I know I cannot do all this, I have not the strength, but I know my God is able to. Now I mourn, I mourn greatly, I weep, I struggle, but I know that the God that stevenandsarah served will not fail me, HE WILL NEVER FAIL US. He will never leave us nor forsake us - that was His promise and His words stand forever. I do not pretend that I am strong, not my physical strength nor my faith. My faith is pity and poor; left alone in this state, I will curse God. But His faith supplied me with the strength to hope and His grace gave me the strength to believe. The God of stevenandsarah is the God of steven and sarah. Jesus our Jesus, He is my Jesus. Without Sarah, I fear that life will be a lonely walk. But I know that my God holds tomorrow.
After all my skin is broken, this I know
With mine own eyes, my God I shall behold
How mine heart yearns within
To meet Jesus and dwell with Him! – Job 19:26-27
It was God who made stevenandsarah, it is Him also who separates. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away, Blessed be the name of the LORD. I must admit that I am praying hard that Sarah will come back to me, that my Love will love me again. I do not know what will happen, it may be an endless wait. It may be a life without Sarah, but this is a trial I must go through, a burden I must carry myself.
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold,
Upon His Word my life's anchored. – Job 23:10-12
Now it’s time for steven to move on and for sarah to move on. My life will never be the same again. Nonetheless, I thank God that my brothers and sisters had helped me lived through the most terrible nights of my life. To all of you, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ, this is not a story that begs for sympathy, but an account of my life and my relationship which I present to you so that all is made clear. Thank you for all your support and your love to stevenandsarah. I pray hope that your love will continue to extend to steven and sarah.
And Sarah (she does not go online often, I do not know if she will be reading this):
“UM sudah terbilang” : Literally, UM is (finally!) on the list (or among the excellent). My beloved university is supposed to be among the greats now or at least within the 100Greats. Some times ago, the Times Magazine had conferred the 89th spot on their world universities ranking to Universiti Malaya, and that immediately became the latest talk in town. The most excited people are without doubt the university administrators. With banners hanging on every other lamp post, one is almost certain of the celebration mood in the varsity office. On the other hand, there were mixed responses from the students and lecturers. Where there are promoters, there will also be dissenters. While some nodded in agreement to the cause of celebration – “UM sudah terbilang!” - others disdained the whole idea – “what’s the big deal?”. I hear both sides with equal interest. At least for now, the university is focused on such issues as achievement and standards. I mean, no one used to bother whether we are a bad, a mediocre or a good university, we were just another university. Now people are arguing whether we really deserve the Times ranking and whether the ranking is really a worthy cause to cheer about. Now my friends are looking around the university for real signs of achievements and quality. Now many people began to realize the need for the university to improve and develop. What a great starting point to a better educational experience in Universiti Malaya. I just hope that the “achievements”, “standards” and “quality” issues will be further pursued from here.
BTW, some of us gathered at certain crowded areas in the university yesterday to sing carols! Perhaps this is really nothing of significance to some of those from other countries, but to publicly express oneself is a taboo in both the Asian culture and our “sensitive” Malaysian society. The mysterious laws that say we cannot gather more than five persons at once without permission also pose a great barrier to “caroling” groups like ours. J I tried browsing through the infamous Universities and University Colleges Act 1971 for that rule, but unfortunately, like all mysterious and autocratic laws, the more-than-five-is-an-ille gal-assembly law was not to be found. Perhaps again, like all mysterious and autocratic laws, it might be found in some mold-infested documents of the communist-struggle years. But that’s not the point; the point is we did sing carols to a crowd just now. It was a struggle as great as the communists’ if not greater. The culture is just so different here compared to some of the universities in other countries. I heard that elsewhere, people can just group up and sing and give speech and whatever in the universities without the others looking at them as odd-balls as most of our audience just now did. We just do not endorse such practices here. If there is anything, keep it to yourself or if you cannot bear it, pour it over teh tarik at mamaks. If all else fail, send a poison pen letter to someone. But for harmless caroling groups like ours, most of us will have our chance to perform during Christmas at our friends’ homes. It’s just that once in a while some crazy friends will eventually come to realize that “Hey, why not sing in the middle of the crowd in public places?” and (viola!) the next thing you know, you are singing in the middle of the crowd in public places. Why did we do it? To begin spreading the Christmas infection, if you ask me. *Feliz Navidad*
If one thing in UM that deserves a commendation, it would be the Current European Issues (CEI) course that I am taking this semester. The paper is offered by the Asia-Europe Institute which is not exactly part of the UM fraternity but UM being the host to the institute had maintained a smart partnership with it. And smartest of all partnerships must be the offering of subjects such as the one mentioned. I had a cultural shock the first time I attended that class. The lecturer was proficient in English (a rare breed in UM), she has a good grasp of her field (a rarer breed) and tackles questions in a very informative and intellectual manner (wow! You’ll understand if you are in my faculty – no offence Mr. X and Ms. Y, you guys are one of the best lecturers in the Computer Science and IT Faculty). And did I just mentioned “tackling questions”? The CEI class was very much interactive, unlike the typical classes that I have attended in the rest of UM. Most of the students seemed so interested in the subject and are rather well-prepared for discussions. I look forward to my presentation next week with much anticipations (and trembling hands). I’ll be speaking on the European Court of Justice, perhaps using the United Kingdom as a point of reference. So much preparations to do, so little time~
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And here's another photo of David Pek and I, this time with Keng Fong...
This is a photo of my roomate and I. I am on the left and David Pek is the one wearing "Old Navy". David (we call him Ah Pek) is a Mathematician, he's in the same university as me, same hometown - PENANG (!!), same age, but he's more popular with the girls. He is really an interesting fellow. Perhaps I will blog about him some day. But I heard that he is starting a blog soon. I'll definitely be stalking him there.
