Blake wrote the Marriage of Heaven and Hell. If I have written of their Divorce, this is not because I think myself a fit antagonist for so great a genius, nor even because I feel at all sure that I know what he meant. But in some sense or other the attempt to make that marriage is perennial. The attempt is based on the belief that reality never presents us with an absolutely unavoidable ‘either-or’; that, granted skill and patience and (above all) time enough, some way of embracing both alternatives can always be found; that mere development or adjustment or refinement will somehow turn evil into good without our being called on for a final and total rejection of anything we should like to retain. This belief I take to be a disastrous error. You cannot take all luggage with you on all journeys; on one journey even your right hand and your right eyes may be among the things you have to leave behind. We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision. Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good.

I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road. A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot ‘develop’ into good. Time does not heal it. The spell must be unwound, bit by bit, ‘with backward mutters of disservering power’ – or else not. It is still ‘either-or’. If we insist on keeping Hell (or even earth) we shall not see Heaven: if we accept Heaven we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate souvenirs of Hell. I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in ‘the High Countries’. In that sense it will be true for those who have completed the journey (and for no others) to say that good is everything and Heaven is everywhere. But we, at this end of the road, must not try to anticipate that retrospective vision. If we do, we are likely to embrace the false and disastrous converse and fancy that everything is good and everywhere is Heaven.

But what, you ask, of earth? Earth, I think, will not be found by anyone to be in the end a very distinct place. I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region in Hell: and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself.

Preface to The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis

Realizing that this blog did not contain my profile, I felt that I ought to introduce myself to my readers. I began writing this introduction thinking that it will be an easy and short entry. How mistaken I was. Without the normal bio-data questionnaire, I felt so lost even in describing such elemental thing about me, myself. While trying to recall the usual questions one would ask when finding out about a person, a very peculiar interview came to mind:

Mr. Raven: Tell me, then, who you are – if you happen to know.

Mr. Vane: How should I help knowing? I am myself, and must know!

-    & nbsp;   &n bsp; Lilith by George MacDonald –

Mr. Raven’s question struck me as odd as when it was first queried of Mr. Vane. Never had I doubt my knowledge of myself. I am myself, and that I know. But then again, who is myself?

Mr. Raven: If you know you are yourself, you know that you are not somebody else; but do you know that you are yourself? Are you sure you are not your own father? – or, excuse me, your own fool? – Who are you, pray?

Of course I can easily answer that I am Steven Sim, the name given to me by my parents and by birth. Surely I am Steven Sim and not another. My name has distinguished me from the billions of people in the world. Perhaps the name is not unique enough; there might be some others who share the same name. Then let me throw in my address, I am Steven Sim from Penang, Malaysia. Putting our identities side by side, surely my Mother will distinguish me from my Father. I am therefore not my own Father by the name I was named. But then again, who is that person by the name I was named?

If our identity rest upon our occupation, we could probably be known conveniently as Mr. So-and-So the Carpenter or Mr. So-and-So the Painter. I am a student in Universiti Malaya (UM), currently in my final semester studying Computer Science. By the relation to my industry, I am Steven Sim the UM Computer Science student. The title may be rather long, but it is still bearable. What if a person is both a carpenter and also a painter? Besides a student at UM, for the sake of my great interest in this subject, I also am reading Law at the University of London (UOL), being at present a second year student. This makes me Steven Sim the UM Computer Science student and UOL Law student. A tad too verbose for an identifier but at least that really singles me out of the many other people in Universiti Malaya and the University of London and the rest of the world. Yet, is that me? My occupation is the act by which I earn a living. And I need to earn a living for the fact that I need to sustain myself. Therefore my occupation and myself are not the same thing. The one I do to support the other. Alas, who am I?

Perhaps I can say that I am Steven Sim who keeps a blog at jacksaid.tblog.com or that fellow whose pen name is Jack Said (Jack being the sobriquet of the person who taught me to think, my Teacher C.S. Lewis, while Said was taken from A. Samad Said, Sasterawan Negara – National Literature Laureate). Or I may also be identified by association to others; I am my Parents’ eldest son, the beloved of my beloved Sarah (future wife!), the roommate of David Pek and someone else’s someone and the list goes on.  Still, do all these descriptions about my activities, my hobbies and my relationships answer Mr. Raven’s queer question – Tell me, then, who you are – if you happen to know… Who are you, pray? If I were to present these to Mr. Raven, I can imagine his remarks: how long will you be such-and-such a person before you cease to be? If your identity is anchored to such unstable and contingent things, how can you be sure you will not be something else when those things cease to be and become something else?

Like Mr. Vane, I became at once aware that I could give him no notion of who I was.  Indeed, who was I? It would be no answer to say I was who! Then I understood that I did not know myself, did not know what I was, had no grounds on which to determine that I was one and not another.

How difficult it is to even reply to so simple a question. I must say that I gave up trying to answer it for the time being. Perhaps the right thing to do now is NOT to answer Mr. Raven’s question. It is the wisest thing to do to a question when one cannot give a true answer to it – setting it aside. But definitely to set it aside is not the whole picture, we refrained from answering a question in order to consider it properly, to research for an answer, to increase our knowledge so that we may finally provide that question with its appointed consort, the Truth which satisfies the query. Nonetheless, I do know one thing for certain about myself, and this knowledge I gladly apply as the starting point of my search for an identity. If all other things cannot be employed to explain myself for their lack of magnitude and their want of consistency, God therefore is the only logical answer to the identity-question. God is both able and reliable. He changes not and though transcendent, He encompasses all, even our existence - In Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). My search for myself thus begins here, with God, and me as His offspring. Though I do not know the answer to Mr. Raven’s question now, I foresee that as I walk to the end of my search, the answer will be found firmly held in God’s hand.

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!  -- Dietrich Bonhoffer

It is by the uninterrupted concourse of His providence that our souls move in their outgoings and operations, that our thoughts run to and fro about a thousand subjects, and our affections run out towards their proper objects -- Matthew Henry

Sometimes my brothers' comments are better than my own entries and I felt that their opinions deserved more display than the comment-section may afford them.

This below is Leon's comment to The Meeting of Two Cultures on Thursday 11.18.04 [6:17 pm]

Leon wrote:

"I think that there is a struggle today in either obliterating legitimate elements of culture to ape the culture that evangelized us (so if an American brought me to Christ, then I have to become American like in more ways than necessary) or to hold on to sinful or just unhelpful cultural elements, that are detrimental to our Christian faith. This struggle I believe, is a fruit of another bigger problem, Biblical illiteracy! If we knew the Bible well, we would be able to measure culture against the great absolutes of God. Thus we would connect with our cultures in certain aspects because we would be so zealous to participate in culture that so many take for granted – and yet in our rejection of the other elements and in our practices alien to our cultures, we would be part of that universal body of Christ, so recognizable in every culture, place and time in the history of man. We could be the very footsteps of God, walking through the world in our times, making imprints on people in their culture, and yet the impression shows you where He has stepped."

Form 5 Newton, class of '98 '99 - reunion at Pn. Rohaya's house on the Second Day of Hari Raya Puasa 2004

A Lamentation For The Things In Life That Were Denied

Why have I not these that they have?

Why have I not that which they possess?

My soul cries within, lamenting my life,

Where is the Sun that I am living in endless nights?

Does it seem good to Thee that Thou should oppress?

That Thou should despise Thy very own creation;

Whither art the Justice that Thou had promised?

That Thou from me now art hidden.

All I seek is safety and peace,

Does Thy hand provide these not?

Alas, my days are but extinguished!

And my spirit broken and rot

Whither art Thou, O’ Most Merciful?

Why answer not my cries to Thee?

The wicked scourge at me as if a fool,

The wise lament at my destiny.

A Thanksgiving For The Things In Life That Were Supplied

But if I own the whole realm of man,

What would I gain if I have not Thee;

If I have all the gold of the land

Losing my soul, what will profit me?

Lord, alas, my laments are not for lacks,

But those prayers are compelled by greed,

I want more than what I had,

And still more of what I do not need.

Teach me dear Lord to trust in Thee

On Thee alone I shall count

That in wealth or in poverty

I know to abase, I know to abound

Teach me dear Lord, to give thanks always

None that I own that Thou did not gave

Let my petty laments Thy praises turn

For this life that I did not earn.

Teach me dear Lord to magnify Thee

In good works for Thy lovesake

That Thy grace will thru me becomes charity

And mine charity will Thy grace spake

*The full composition from which this poem was taken can be found at my website:  A.L.E. web

A comment on The Meeting of Two Cultures

Posted by Joshua on Tuesday 11.16.04 [12:21 pm]

Joshua wrote:

"I totally agree that we need not abandon our cultures wholly to get our names written in the Book of Life.

Personalities are God given recognition to creatures. Every personality is distinct with one another in one-way or the other. Personality and culture are very much related. Culture bears major role in molding personality. We present our offerings through the very culture that we have been placed in and well familiar with. What matter is not whether shall we “copy” or adopt other cultures to be a Christian, but we, as Christian, to be a living sacrifice in the cultural context that God has given us according to His mercy and good will.

Romans 12:1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.

I find a lot of Christians adopted western cultures in order to be recognized as Christians so that they can be different from their cultures (both good and bad). They practice foreign celebrations and speak foreign languages in the family and among their local friends instead of their own mother tongues. But the only purpose for us to adopt cultures is for evangelism and NOT “Christian-prestige”.

1 Corinthians 9:20-22
To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.

We, Christians, can celebrate and shall hold fast to our given cultural celebrations such as the Chinese New Year, in the orthodox Christian way. We can receive and give 'ang pow' because this is the official practice for Chinese to “freely receive and freely give”. Chinese tradition has us to thank “Tian Gong” or “Shang-di” and ask for blessing for the whole new year. We, Chinese Christians should have annual thanksgiving and benediction and attribute it to the right majestic God instead of some unknown 'heavenly emperor'."

I was chatting with a friend on MSN and the topic went into blogging. I was wondering if there are some crazy stalkers who read most carefully the blogs of certain people and are waiting for the time to jump on them. Looking at some of the blogs online, I discovered that many people wrote about their emotional anguish, excitements and their innermost feelings etc. Not a few blogged about their love-hate experience, their cries and celebrations, their hurts and joy, theirs disappointments and satisfactions, their embarrassments and enthusiasms and their pains and pleasures. Someone might use this information to manipulate the blogger emotionally. Of course I am not referring to normal friends, who sometimes are not bothered to read your long entries anyway. My fear are those crazy stalkers, that guy who had been secretly admiring you at school and had been searching the Internet for everything that has got to do with your name since the days of ARPANET. My concern is that pedophile who is observing the lives and activities of young children who blog so innocently yet ever so incessantly. Maybe I am exaggerating [but hey, who knows!]. We are supposed to pour out our feelings in the blog or else the blog will not be a blog la, my friend argued. It got me wondering; what makes the blog a blog? Is a blog a diary? An online diary albeit, but still a diary? Or perhaps a blog is a journal? What is the different between a diary and a journal anyway?

In the English dictionaries (both Oxford and Cambridge), diary and journal are defined as records of daily events, but it seemed that a diary record includes personal feelings, experiences and thoughts whereas journals are merely the recordings of news and activities. In reality, I would say that the two words are interchangeable, often to denote written records of one’s personal life – events, feelings and thoughts. I do not know when we started to keep diaries, or even when Christians started to write their spiritual journals. But Christians, especially the Pilgrims and the Puritans kept journals for a rather unique reason that has to do with their relationship with God. Reflecting his life at the end of each day against God’s percepts, an entry of a spiritual journal was to be like an invoice for what one has done in the day. Everything he did, his actions, talks and thoughts are not without consequences, i.e. cost. By issuing an invoice at the end of the day, it is like keeping an account of whatever that was done, and the resulting cost. If the account inclines towards “evil” and “sin”, then the Christian man will have to review his manners and conducts, just as a businessman will re-assess his business when the account is bad. The journal also served to record the employment of one’s talents and the blessings that God bestowed; how these things are being used or misused and it is a reminder of God’s providence, especially in the development of the person of Christ in the Christian man. In short, a spiritual journal is an account of the writer’s journey in life viewed through his relationship with God.

And then again, there was a time not too long ago when people began to keep what I would call a modern diary. Whereas the Christian man’s journal registers his life in relation to God, a modern diary is more often than not used to record the secret things of the heart which are not necessarily Christian or have anything to do with God. We mostly get the picture of this kind of modern diary from Anne Frank and her Kitty (Frank’s diary) and of course those movies about young American girls who keep pink diaries and all. This modern diary seemed to be taken as a close friend to the owner, a very intimate friend who has a share of the owner’s most private life. The idea of the non-existence companion in the form of a diary (hence, the “Dear Diary”) really suggests to us that the things written were meant to be private and confidential. Those are things which one will not even think of sharing with one’s parents and best friends. The diary becomes a sort of secret domain for a person to pour out everything, either for future reminiscence or just to release the angst by recounting what has happened. I cannot help but to think of the service of this modern diary in an image-conscious and individualistic society; in a society where a person’s flaws and weaknesses will jeopardize his status among his peers, in a society where it seemed that no one bothers about another person’s business except to his own profits, in a society where brotherly love or sisterly affection or intimate friendship cannot be thought of as anything less than platonic, the modern diary becomes a substitute for love, solidarity and trust.

The latest evolution of diaries and journals are the web logs or blogs. A blog is a rather different thing from a diary because the entries are exposed not only to a few, but the whole world. I would say that a blog is a story of one’s life narrated to any willing readers; the author or blogger consciously publishes his activities, feelings and thoughts for a readership, unlike the diarist who meant his entries to be secrets. There is no saying which one method is the correct way of recording the story of one’s life, I believe that blogs, diaries and journals have different functions and they serve different purposes albeit coinciding at recording personal tales and thoughts. My concern remains the same as was mentioned in the beginning: evil people using information garnered from blogs to cause harm and hurts. Of course the danger also lies in the exposure of diaries and journals entries, but blogs are more susceptible because of their availabilities. It is then wise for us to consider the risks involved before publishing our most intimate things in blogs and online journals. I am not sure about others, but I for one, am rather discreet when divulging personal information online – better be safe than sorry. Besides, who knows if my mum is reading my entries.

BTW, these are some of the rules that I’ve set for myself when I started blogging:

Be Creative – still trying

The world of blogging affords us to be creative. There are rooms for individual display of talents, whether the artistry of the blog layout or the inspiring entries. For example, the mood of the blog may be set by the changing of display images and colours or by playing different songs at different times. Also one may not want to use prose as the form for every entries but reserving some entries for the demonstration of one’s poetic skills. The key is to let the imagination flows and the creativity unleashed.

When blogging, some may think that grammar and rules are not applicable, but I believe that we should observe them. We may struggle, but it is an effort worth making. I do not think that such an effort will hinder creativity, but instead, one may even create another Samuel Pepys masterpiece by employing the appropriate language tools.

Honesty Is Still the Best Policy – 1st Amendments!

Creativity must not be used as a license deceits and distortions of facts. The anonymity in the cyber space should not be applied to cheat or lie. When one’s internet lies are eventually exposed, the cost is even greater to bear than if one were to humbly acknowledge the fact from the beginning. Unless of course, one is writing a fictional story, there should be honesty when displaying information online.

Be Prudent and Wise – So help me God…

Blogging should also be guarded by prudence and wisdom. For example, creativity must not be misused to slander or to incite hatred (except hatred to sin J); honesty need not mean that one cannot be private and confidential. There must be discretion employed when engaging in bloggings – from the display of images, to the blog entries. We must realize that whatever that are in our blogs are viewed by a worldwide audience. There are consequences to bear at the end of the day.

Have Fun – definitely!

Seriously, most of us are not depending on the success of our blogs to make a living. It is just the fun of being part of the present trend. Have fun blogging, be serious about your blog, but do not let it become a compulsive behaviour where it is irresistible and impossible to stay away from blogging for even one moment.

Finally, to my fellow bloggers out there, keep it coming! I enjoyed reading some of your blogs very much.

This is the English translation of the poem in the previous post

Boisterously the birds sang, a story told

Of a glorious tale, ancient and old

Mountains trembled and the seas roared

Narrating together this ancient lore

Hear ye all my brethrens this wonderful song

The whole realm shouts and sings along

‘Twas indeed a joyous event

The Creator God becoming as man!

The blessings of the Almighty upon us smiled

Gave us the Lamb as His righteousness

Our forefathers on their lives avowed

That God once visited this Earth

On the one night so bleak and dark

A single Star brightly shone

Glad tidings of the angels, hark

Before Him bowed every throne

The Creator God on earth was born

Wither He lies? Wither He lies?

Not in kingly chambers nor on the emperor’s throne

In the old manger did the newborn cried

That weak Babe in the manger

Still yet to speak, yet unable to call his mother

But He is the Word of God to us

He is the Eternal Logos

Does thee knoweth this wonderful tale?

The whole realm is singing it

Does thee knoweth that newborn Babe?

He is thy Creator, thy Creator indeed

Let’s together sing this joyous song

Of the ancient and wonderful event

A long time ago, a Babe was born

‘Twas God becoming a Man!

Ungas riuh mengabarkan suatu c’rita

Al-kisah orang dahulu kala;

Gunung bergoncak, laut mengaum

Turut mengisahkan c’rita purba,

Dengarlah wahai saudara semua,

segala alam menyanyi sama

Hatta dulu suatu kejadian yang ria

Tuhan Pencipta menjelma sebagai manusia!

Maha Agung senyum kepada kita

Mengurniakan Si Domba sebagai kebenaranNya

Datuk moyang sentiasa bersaksi

Tuhan Pencipta pernah bertandang ke bumi

Pada suatu malam yang gelita,

BintangNya bersinaran terang

Para malaikat membawa berita

Para raja datang menyembah Tuhan

Tuhan Pencipta lahir di dunia

Di mana? Di mana? Di mana?

Bukan di mahligai, tidak di istana

Kandang usang tempat kelahiranNya

Bayi yang lemah di kandang itu

Belum bisa memanggil “Ibu”

Dia Firman Tuhan kepada Kita,

Kalam Allah Maha Berkuasa.

Tahukah saudara cherita ini?

Segala alam sedang menyanyi

Kenalkah saudara si Bayi itu?

Dialah Tuhan Pencipta mu, Tuhan Pencipta mu

Mari bersama menyanyi lagu,

Al-kisah purba yang luarbiasa

Hatta pada suatu masa dahulu

Tuhan Pencipta menjelma sebagai manusia!

...and of course, someone also said that the unexamined faith is not worth believing.

*written after a session of discussion on this matter at youth meeting on the 6th November, 2004.

What an odd hour to launch a web blog. Here it is, A.Life.Examined

...because the unexamined life is not worth living - Socrates

And I've just discovered that this is actually a paraphrase...here goes the real thing:

"If I tell you that I would be disobeying the god and on that account it is impossible for me to keep quiet, you won’t be persuaded by me, taking it that I am ironizing. And if I tell you that it is the greatest good for a human being to have discussions every day about virtue and the other things you hear me talking about, examining myself and others, and that the unexamined life is not livable for a human being, you will be even less persuaded." [quoted in Plato, Apology, sct. 38]

Anyway, this blog will start as soon as my brain is working again, maybe later in the day.